Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
