Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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