its not stalking. its research.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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