He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
