He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
are you so shy because you have an std?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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