I got chris browned last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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