just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
