it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize