Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
