I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize