im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
