if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
