this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize