Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
