Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
