Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
