i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
