it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Come see our sink grown plant.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
