Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
