I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
