can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
