For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize