so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
