i just wanna soil my oats bro
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Two words: blizzard sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
