i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize