shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
whose parrot is this?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
