Swine flu. Run for my life!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
