is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You left your phone here
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