I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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