Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
