After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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