my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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