Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
