so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
