my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
