I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
