I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
