ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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