Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
