i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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