My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
