it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
