No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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