Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
