If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
