Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
