I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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