you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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