toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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