Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
