he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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