Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
