Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
