I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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