I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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