Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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