When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
