The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
