don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
