I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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