Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
