Too much gin, very little bucket
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
