I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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