Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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