its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
