we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
