Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
