says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
