Apparently you make a good broom.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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