I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
