I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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