he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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