I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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